Month 1

It's been one month since I've been back...going on my 3rd year. I'm finally settling into the new place. I may not have all my things YET ( I'm sorry to bust your bubble...but lies and threats don't win in whatever world you live) but I'm making things homey. Today I finished putting Invictus on my wall along with other little signs. My students notebooks are done and organized, and I've finished my first week of classes ( happier in the new atmosphere) . I'm still not fully into the rhythm, but despite it being and even more hectic year...I have a good feeling. I have some matters of the heart to settle among other things, but as I firmly believe, everything will turn out ok if its meant to be that way. Now. time to sleep. I shall leave whoever is reading with some old school clips ( I've been watching my "favorites" playlist on youtube....it varied from beethoven's 9th to race the sun. I love the inconsistency in my life.

p.s.......yes...I was given the mic several times during this song....oh to be young again. hahaha. 

nevermind...i'll find someone like you

There are times I feel as if I'm fighting against a lost cause. Some people are meant to get what they want...and others are meant to settle. I'm not allowed to want to be wanted.Especially by whom my heart wants. I just gotta take what I can get. 

Be a simple kind of man...

Have you ever listened to that song? Simple Man by Lynyrd Skynyd? Take a moment and just look it up. It may not be your style...southern rock...but just listen to the lyrics.My favorite being " Troubles will come and they will pass".....

People try too hard to over dramatize their life. Be happy with what you have and worry about the things that have true meaning in your life. Why the need to hold your pride over others or let jealousy take over to the point you feel the need to hurt others.

People are petty. Liars fall to their own lies. And the bitter end up alone.

Live life.

I'm beyond excited to be going back, not only to see my friends but to get some things finally settled.

I've enjoyed my two months here and it's made me realize lots of  things ( too lazy to go into explanation mode at the moment.). I appreciate my friends even more, though they are dwindling with every visit, but those who matter the most are still here. I've let some feelings from the past come up to the surface  which have led me to regret actions from the past, but it all happens for a reason :-) I may not be where I am now if I had made those different decisions. eh. random thoughts for another day. I'll miss everyone from here..see yall in 10 months...and I can't wait to see my friends in Santiago. Punto.

Guilty as Charged....

OK. SO here's the deal. I have an audition coming up ( a pretty big one to me) and I need as much criticism as possible.As for the blogger portion of this.... If you don't know...I have HORRIBLE performer's anxiety. It's haunted me for as long as I can remember but then turned severe under a certain situation in college. Since, I've been improving under and awesome horn professor/performer, but even playing in front of the camara gets my heart rushing a little. Luckily playing in Puente Alto has really boosted my confidence and DUAM has gotten me comfortable playing with an advanced group of musicians, but ensemble playing ultimately isn't what get's you accepted into a conservatory or wins you the scholarships.Perhaps this is why I feel as if Sarah Willis has become my horn idol. She's open about her anxiety with playing solos and how she prefers to play in ensembles. Love.her.

But...back to the videos. I'm trying to tackle my fear by memorizing the pieces and knowing them in and out( Don't let the music stand fool you...it's a security blanket for the most part ) . As for the typical offenses...I plead guilty. 1)Rushing 2)Intonation 3) Made up Rhythms 4) Blurps/wrong notes. Despite me already knowing this....PLEASE be specific...be bruuuttal. Unfortunately I don't have the third movement well enough to memorize yet .Also..any kind of suggestions as to how passages go are very much welcomed.

Mozart Horn Concerto 3
Movement I:

Mozart Horn Concerto 3
Movement II:

To be added at a later point once I can upload it to youtube....



Once again HONEST CRITICISM. I need to put myself out there and not be afraid of it. Also..to spice up comments...what was your worst audition experience? There's gotta be some funny stories out there!!

Serenity in the Storm

The truth is always victorious over lies, therefore,I have no fear. Those who lie to feed their own bitterness lose in the end. Calmness and Truth. The.End.

Faith that Karma works in the End

I believe in God. I believe in Energy. I believe in Karma. I feel as if there are so many things in this life worth experiencing and so much responsibility that we must take on along with the life we live, that worrying about the smaller insignificant occurances are not worth a spot on my timeline. This may seem ignorant, arrogant, but take of it what you may. Life is too important to worry about the woes of those who are selfish or to worry about those whom are bitter about their own life and aim to hinder others. Karma plays out in the end, or better yet, the energy of this world plays out.

I haven't written in months, my best excuse being, I've been just way too busy. 2011 was an AMAZING year for me. Yes, it may have been one of the roughest financially,emotionally, and physically ( losing 40 pounds on the fact I had no money can definitely take its toll, haha ) but to be honest, in the end, it was amazing. And why you may ask? I put my faith that everything works out in the end.Along with the troubles I met an amazing group of people and have been blessed with certain opportunities in my two passions, music and teaching. I have taught myself how to navigate around an epic capital city, watched history ( whether I agreed with the actions or not ) unravel before my eyes, and still have those who mean the most to me in my life. My family has had its share of obstacle, but things are finally starting to look up.....coincidentally...just as the new year begins.

Life is a puzzle, no matter what is your strategy, whether you start by trying to form the outer edges or just focusing on the main picture....one will still get confused, try to fit the wrong pieces in certain spots, and may even lose some underneath of the couch for a week or two. In the end, you figure it out, you find those pieces, and realize what piece goes where. Not always, but in some way, it all works out. Thus being why I firmly believes everything pans out. Let those who hurt you rapidly leave your mind. They're not worth the time to worry. Situations that inevitable , if seen with patience and a calm mind, will be figured out in due time. Let the bitter be bitter. Enjoy life. Cry when you need to . Stress when its absolutely the only answer. But calm yourself down. If you have the right answer, path, it will work out.

What is your take on all of this? Is it all karma or coincidence?Faith or by chance? And what is response to those who hurt you? Is revenge better done as an action or to let things fade into the background sounds? Have your go at it :-)

...scrapbooks full of me in the background...

I've always helped others, given them courage, ideas, revised/rewritten assignments, even done other peoples work..and where did this all get me? Stuck. I'm not ignorant or dumb. I know if I had more motivation in other subjects I could have excelled , but I didn't. I've never been a very happy person ( which I know now is my fault for the most part ) so I wanted to pursue the one thing that has ever helped ME in life and did make me feel at ease, but as my biggest fear has settled in, that won't be possible. I failed. But what makes me bitter, I didn't fail in the manner I expected, but in a manner that was completely out of my hands.

Perhaps this is some unviersal power finally knocking me out at the end of the fight, telling me I should have listened years ago when I began it. I want to kick and scream like a toddler yelling IT'S NOT FAIR.

Why the sudden outburst? Despite a major realization occurring last night concerning my now mediocre future ( unless a miracle occurs,)I am currently, as always, helping someone with their work. Not any work, but a grad assignment. This person will be achieving his/her certifications/diploma rather soon....the same person who can't write a decent collegiate essay, one of which I am in the process of rewriting. This is my life. Watching everyone else in my life graduate, succeed, when I am most likely going to stay in this house and work in the area until I can make enough money to leave. But where? I can try as much as I can to improve on my horn but who is going to hire someone without a degree. Also, IF I can find a job in the teaching world via private schooling....I am never going to escape. Not that this is a bad thing, but I will be fulfilling my second fear in life...staying in Virginia..or worse...Tappahannock.

Thus is why I may be hiding for a while. I need to let my pride die with ease and let my brain function without other distractions. ...

...and within the next few days. I'm going to pray for a miracle.