This topic has been lingering around for several weeks now. After reading Candace's recent post and talking to her about her experience I realized that it was time for me to show in writing to " the world" yet again a part of me not many people know. I don't know why, but I'll always be this person with several hidden doors and here I go opening one to show to you what's behind it. Once again, I'm trying this whole confidence thing because I know the issue of Christianity/religion several people very close to me don't accept, and they have that right :-)
About two weeks ago I had a rather deep conversation concerning worship and faith. I know how it is to feel as if you've strayed, it's a part of life. We're taught, what I feel is a misconception, since we're little that to be a Christian you MUST go to church. I learned at a young age that just because you dont go to church doesnt mean God just walks away.Now, to be honest, he may disappear for a while and supervise what's going on, but that's how we learn. He gave us free will, therefore why wouldnt we be able to use it, correct? Well, I'm not going to go into why I think this, but I will tell you my form of worship and keeping faith.
Everyone's given a gift, a purpose, and it's up to us to figure out what that is. It can be as minimal as changing one life. I DON'T mean conversion, I don't believe ANYONE should feel forced into adapting your belief. Religion was put on this earth by either man or a greater force ( depending on your ideals) to give us hope and security when you cant find answers. I just so choose to be Christian and in a way I always felt I was suppose to help people whether through giving them courage or just simply listening. I feel everyone deserves to be listened to in troubling times, even those who have hurt me. People can always surprise you.
Another trait I use for worship is ultimately what helps me keep my faith and that will always be singing. Music no doubt plays an important part in my life but through me singing solos. "Over the Rainbow" will forever be my being, the song that's wrapped around my heart and will get me through any possible time in my life. I'll always be that little girl desperately wanting to find the other side of the rainbow , wanting something better ....KNOWING there is something better. But a lot has changed since I was 9 and the songs I sing have become more and more important to me as a person .I began using my solos as a way to sing my prayers and/or thanks. I guess what the songs are meant for, but I began really searching for songs that meant something to me.
Only Hope was the first to start this trend. It made me realize that despite my dreams crumbling around me , them feeling so far out of reach,that they were still there. I sang this May of 2007, days just after being kicked out of the music department. I remember the night before standing in the kitchen rehearsing in front of my mother and almost not being able to finish the song. " When it feels like my dreams are so far sing to me the plans you have for me in your hand." There are times that we will experience where giving up is the best option because its the easiest. This song gave me the strength I needed at that moment to know that one day I'd prevail. I'm currently attempting this, but have made my own leaps. What makes this memory even stronger was that this was the last time my grandfather ever heard me sing One day I will have the guts to write a blog about him, but it was a very hard recovery after his death and singing at church was one of the things that pushed me through.Since "Only Hope" I have sang " Your Love" by matt black, "I'll Fly Away", and most recently " In better hands" by Natalie Grant ( which proved to be a song finding me and later being my backbone.)
Unfortunately the song that explains my overall feeling about my connection with music and faith I'll most likely never be able to sing because it doesn't fit my voice. Just go listen to " I've had questions" by Dave Hunt. If you cant find it, look up " When the Tears fall" its the same song, I just like Dave Hunt's take on it, but honestly the lyrics speak for itself.
| I've had questions, without answers I've known sorrow, i have known pain but theres one thing, that i'll cling to you are faithful, Jesus your true when hope is lost, i'll call you saviour when pain surrounds, i'll call you healer when silence falls, you'll be the song within my heart in the lone hour, of my sorrow through the darkest night of my soul you surround me, and sustain me my defender, forever more when hope is lost, i'll call you saviour when pain surrounds, i'll call you healer when silence falls, you'll be the song within my heart I will praise you, i will praise you when the tears fall, still i will sing to you i will praise you, Jesus praise you Through the suffereing still i will sing when hope is lost, i'll call you saviour when pain surrounds, i'll call you healer when silence falls, you'll be the song within my heart I've had questions, without answers I've known sorrow, i have known pain but theres one thing, that i'll cling to you are faithful, Jesus your true when hope is lost, i'll call you saviour when pain surrounds, i'll call you healer when silence falls, you'll be the song within my heart |
It doesn't HAVE to be in reference to Christianity. Take the concept, not just the lyrics and you'll see what I mean. What is that one thing you turn to in times of pain? We should never fully rely on people because it is our human nature to screw things up. We can never fully be trusted, none of us, including myself. I know I have qualities that aren't desirable, no one would should ever deny that of themselves. But really think about what you turn to when you can't find the answers yet you're questioning so many things. It's a self discovering concept, a challenge I give you :-)
( my current playlist : In Better Hands, I've had Questions, Everything by Lifehouse, As the Deer by Any Given Day, and Over the Rainbow)
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