Jessie's Girl

As I was working out today I found myself singing along to the Rick Springfield "classic" at the top of my lungs and smiling, an instant reaction whenever I hear this song. It made me wonder, why will I always be so attached to it? Of course the past yr or so I got rather annoyed by other people's assumptions for my reason...but I eventually had to remind myself, they didn't always know me. Music triggers memories in my life, as I know many of yours. But I guess to get the ball rolling on this memory I'm going to give a little bit more background timeline:

• Elementary/Middle School.....hell.
• 14-16 1/2 the beginning of lunch friends...the ones you passed notes with and had some adventures with

• 18-19 I began my recreation...in a sense...and met the friends who would become my brothers, my family
• 20-hell wrapped in a lovely horn case
• 21-Boys entered my life
• 22-23 ( U.S wise) Cobra Starship says it best...HOT MESS

I intentionally skipped 17...

....before Tik Tok, I Kissed a Girl, I Gotta Feeling...before If it Kills me, I'm Not that Girl,Touch me..Empty like the Ocean,Pretty Girl, Coin Operated Boy.....Race the Sun, Tragedy Letters, The Half Jeffersons...

There was All You Need is Love,I Wear my Sunglasses at Night, and Jessie's Girl.

I was Seventeen-ish, the year I learned it was ok to drive around aimlessly with people you call friends,blast the radio, and laugh. The same time I had my first beer ( on the beach, of course, oh Tappahannock) and I was beginning to realize that a little white lie could let you stay out past curfew....among other things. I deleted my High School xanga my freshman year of college but I still remember one specific blog. May 22, 2003. It was 2am and I had just gotten home from Hampton. Candice, Em and I had gone to the Imax with some of their Gov. School friends( boys of course..this is where I also developed my third wheel syndrome..but oh well) to see The Matrix Reloaded. I remember being on such an adrenaline rush once I got home . That night I remember writing " I'm excited to see where this friendship goes"....and so it began. The next year or so my life consisted of Atlee boys, Beach Nights, Parties in the woods, and aimless Hanover driving. It felt nice to finally break the rules by just a tad.

But then of course I lost that feeling, a part of growing up. I eventually got caught in a huge lie the summer before VCU which put a damper for a while in my relationship with my parents, which of course,due to how I felt at the time..led me to lie even more about my Bad News Bears summer....which was tranquil yet scandalous on its own terms and from there continuing to lie, not only my parents.I began saying what I thought the other party wanted to hear,usually a boy, I stopped worrying about what I was doing or what I thought as long as someone else was ok with what they thought was going on. Its a wierd concept, but it just led to a huge downfall when I eventually engulfed myself into that idea. As cliche as it is, doing things the way other people would want to see it.

Not everyone will know your life story, we shouldn't be so egotistic to think that people will even care. I'm just lucky that I have my family and people who know 98% of my life. O.C and Krystle will always be burdened with my history, haha, so be happy its not you. ( not excluding the other awesome people in my life that I value...I just get tired of re-hatching things, rather keep it simple nowadays )

I'm not who I used to be growing up, I'm not who I was while at VCU, I'm finally me. At least I hope. As I said in a recent blog...I've been having my share of not so angelic acts...but what if that's who I am? I'm living my life day to day. People ask me if I plan to move home or if I'm going to live here once I get my degree...I have no idea. I rather spend my days practicing, studying, working out...and smiling when I hear a song that reminds of goodtimes.

I realize now I'm as disposable as the camera in your hand...

A part of growing up is losing grip of something you've had ...but as we all know won't last. Today I charged my U.S phone, I haven't turned it on since the planed lifted from Miami. In American culture, your phone symbolizes you. I didn't fully come to this conclusion until today when I realized how many memories a single plastic object can hold. I began looking through texts and listened to my ringtones. Life has changed, I've changed. I still have Kesha waking me up every morning..but it's not my ringtone. I don't live that lifestyle anymore, along with I've Gotta Feeling and lord knows You Belong with Me will NEVER be on my phone again. Now it's Do Wah Do ( look up the video...it'll explain everything.) I got into such a wierd funk that I put the phone down and let it continue to charge for Jaime.

And then I realized I didn't look through it's most important cubbie hole...Images and Video. I began looking through my pictures. One of O.C in Mechanicsville holding up a Best friends poem frame the day the mommies finally meant ( days before I left) , "You Want Sausage" torn from a Cary Town Mcdonald's bag( which of course became my background along with -once again- "yvonne is awesome"), and an Iron Mask pic with Goose and Derby. But then I decided to look at the videos. The last one? A random group at 1411...singing Hakuna Matata

Life changes.

When I was a freshman at VCU I felt the thread between my high school friends and I thinning. I went through some really rough patches, and by my last year there what was once a solid group of friends was down to maybe 4 of us through my eyes, this of course changes depending on person...we're like a venn diagram. This is now happening with VCU friends. But I'm fine with it this go around for the most part, it just hurts to remember that feeling of happiness with people you'll probably only see in passing. It's the memories that make it hard, but then you listen to a song.

Be ok...by Ingrid Michaelson...

And then you look at what you have left.

Today :

I carried a 30 minute convo with Rox...just using Skype emoticons

I listened to Krystle practice her uke

Tim and I discussed our excitement from seeing BSG references

Yvonne sent me a creepy Bed Bug vid ( no...seriously...I may have nightmares)

This week :

I got to semi experience a Virginia summer night while talking to Todd as he sat in his drive way

Jason..well...

Goose shared random vids

and I can't forget the weekly podcast...

These moments remind me that though things change, the important factors stay.The title to this blog is from a Half Jeffersons song "Don't You Wonder." It's all about how we change, how people have to deal with change while at the same time we have to deal with our decisions. Every decision we make has it's consequence, and I think for once I'm ok with this. It's best to look at the past and be happy with the outcome, right? :-)