Her.That girl.The one over there.The one tossing her hair and captivating all the energy in the room.
That 20 something that thinks she's independent because she's living alone...but doesn't know how to pay her own bills.The one making you fall in love with her and her false confidence.
That 30 something with her own car. The one that just left the clutches of her parents but doesn't know how to make a decent meal....unless it's in a box ...of course. The one that's seducing you with her fake independence.
Or perhaps that one over there,that's using you tonight for that attention she craves. The one who knows how to manipulate the situation. Act as if she knows exactly what you're talking bout when really she's never had an opinion of her own.
Always, that one, stealing you're heart.
...
And then there's me.
The one that's learned that flirtation is Her worst enemy. Every time she takes a risk she's rejected once again and made to crawl back into her hermit shell.
The one that's never been given that chance.She's stuck being
Too young
Too old
Too innocent
Too opinionated
Too fat
Too tall
Too serious
The one that no matter how hard you try to fight your demons,you're pushed right into their arms again.
I cant seem to get away from it. 28 and I'm always rushed back to that basement. The one where there are a bunch of 12 year olds. Each one staring at you whispering"Why is she here?"
"Because my mother made me."
That moment that you're sitting in the corner, with lumps in your throat...trying to plan your escape path to the stairs to run to the bathroom to cry and then cold water on your face...all because yet again...no one wants to dance with you. The only girl sitting alone. Because they all want to dance with her. That girl. The one over there. The one that's not you.
Always on repeat.
Different people.different music.different decade.
But repeated.
All to come home to a hopeful mother asking
..." And?no kiss?"
No mother... That wouldn't occur for another 11 years... Where even then I was too ashamed to admit the only reason it happened was because he was desperate and drunk.
Never for the right reasons. Never good enough to have you kiss me and stay. Never good enough to have you kiss me and be happy with me . Never good enough for you...
I'm just here when You're
Lonely
Bored
Passing the time
Waiting
Waiting for her. The one over there. The one that's not me.
