Have you ever noticed how cool and soothing pistachio green is? It may be perhaps my favorite shades of green. A tad on the pearly side...yet soothing.
Its a full moon they say. I haven't look out the window. I've been too busy taking advantage for the first time in a long time I am alone and at peace.
It gives me time to reflect.
The other day was Thanksgiving, and for the first time in 3 years I was able to celebrate it. When my friend invited me the night before I immediately became ecstatic. I woke up the next morning....did my usual routine...breakfast..workout..clean apt...cook lunch for the boyfriend and I..and then it was OPPA THANKSGIVING STUFFING TIME. The stuffing was a hit and as we sat at the table, us "gringos" began talking about Thanksgiving memories and what we were thankful for this year.
So these are the things I am thankful for.
1-I started ( and ended 2011) with a horrible situation. I ( along with family and friends) was being stalked and harassed by a person that I only hope one day will realize their error. Months later. I am free from this. I got the help I needed, unfortunately with no solution due to this person no being contactable, but it is over. I have put it in the past, and despite losing so many materialistic things, I was taught valuable lessons. I was taught to not trust just anyone, and that some people will feed off of negativity and drama to spew their own lies to harm others. I am beyond thankful this person gave me the opportunity to fight for what I knew was right therefore showing myself the confidence and knowledge I may have never dug that deep into finding in my soul.
2- School. This may have been my most productive and successful year academically since I was in elementary school. I was challenged but in subjects that I love. Amongst these classes I realized where my true passion stood. Where one's "natural talent" comes into play when choosing a career path. I may have done A LOT of juggling ( still have a full week of concert/exams/work/rehearsals/classes torture left) but i was some how able to keep my head above the water.
3-My Chilean friends. Now over one year with these kids and they cease to amaze me. They have all been loyal and have shown such care that I have literally cried at times. They've helped me through my roughest moments this year , running to my aid. All of them. We've all grown a lot in one year, becoming more professional and starting this thing called relationships, but yet we still fit time within our busy schedules for one another. We take advantage of the time we have together. Two months without them are gonna be even harder this year.
4- My American friends. There's still a good handful that keep up with me. I shouldn't mention ( and I almost cant because I know I'll most likely leave people out) so I'm gonna stick to the top 3. Krystle, Tim, and Yvonne. Yvonne , when she can, gives me crazy updates on her travels. We discuss Glee pretty much every week and her random images that she sends make me chuckle just when I need it most. Tim is still there...the awkward..alone...in the corner...with me...judging the world. We may not be so alone anymore, but we still rant and lean on one another when there's a moment to breathe. Krystle...despite her lack in communication skills via facebook chat...which she is HIGHLY aware of....we attempt to stay updated. The best thing about our conversations is that they're completely comfortable.They're in a dialogue as if we were speaking face to face, about random things that may have no connection at all but we get it. I miss having her near. I dont have someone to text every random awkward moment to or have someone to go to the mall with. I dont have someone to sing karaoke with...whether it be at a bar or in the apt..and I dont have that person that understands me completely. Where words arent needed or worse....sentences cant be finished without having two people finishing it.....So I'm thankful I still have her and all my friends from the states still in my life. ( kelly,marcus,jason,stephanie.....) Its hard to keep up not only when I rarely get online but when I cant even see these people during the year. They have so much patience with me.
5-my boyfriend.Never thought I'd write about that one. Our entire relationship is a rocky moment but its easing up. We're learning how to be in a relationship, seeing that neither of has have actually had one. To me, he becomes more attractive every day. The fact I'm a realist and he's a dreamer makes us clash a lot as well, but his naivety is what i adore about him. And to contradict that...his wiseness as well. We share the same thoughts, philosophies. But most of all. I like it when he's hugging me...
6-Alberto. My horn. I've progressed so much. I cant believe I'm the same person as when P Smith was shooting me down. Perhaps I'm not, which is why I've grown with the horn. I have an amazing professor that teaches to think and appreciate not to become a machine or his clone. I've been the first horn in a youth orch. that's helped me gain confidence and prove to myself I CAN play that solo in Huapango and hit that high A as if it was nothing. The Orquesta de Camara DUAM as done so much more than just help me grown as a hornist but as a person as well. Miguel Angel has had so much patience with me over the past 2 years having faith that I'll keep progressing and hitting me with some pieces I felt I wasn't ready for but ended up being able to survive through. Alvaro has been an amazing ( and will be an excellent) teacher. Having his as my horn partner for 2 years in not only this group has given that comfort and help me go at a pace that was right for me and with his guidance he keeps me on the edge. Overall.I'm just happy that its working out. That I'm beating the demons I had within that were killing me. That I'm finally truly enjoying the horn.
7-My Students.
This year I got to teach not only English, but trumpet and horn as well. I could write an entire other entry on how grateful I am for this opportunity, perhaps another day...but for today...I am thankful that these children are what brighten my day. They give me hope that perhaps I'm not a failure and I can actually make a difference little by little. They confide in me, tease me, laugh, play but in the end they all give me respect and progress...which is all a teacher looks for. I love them.
8-As cliche as this is, Its the most important. I'm thankful for my family.Mamma writes to me every day ( i had to get facebook on my phone just so she wouldn't freak when I didn't get online.) Melanie tags me in random things. Daddy pops up with his shiny head at times on video, and my aunts and uncles write to me every now and then. Some more than others..depending on how technological they are....
There have been obstacles. Neither one of my parents have had the best of health...but as of recently we've been getting some of the best news than ever...not exaggerating. My mother's diabetes is almost stable after a horrid 26 years immense struggle. I lost someone that I'll never get to say goodbye to..but I hope to do it in my own way when I get home..
Most of all, I'm thankful to be breathing. With all the scandals ,election talk, end of the world mumble jumbo...I've allowed my mind to really think...what does this all mean to me? Within that I have really looked into myself as to who I am as a christian...a STRONG christian...and who I am through my own personal beliefs and philosophies. I;m thankful God gives me a brain and free will to think of my own , love him ,and yet every day accept whatever kind of person is in front me.
This year was a long one but a year of growth. What are you thankful for? As typical as that question is. Have you changed? Grown? Anything interesting occur?I dont know...I enjoy conversation....yall know that...
Here's some calm music to listen to and reflect. Twas the soundtrack as I wrote...
