Friday, December 3, 2010

A Controversial Topic

*Disclaimer: I belong to no political party, I'm fairly liberal in many ways but there are few topics that I've been seen to be more on the conservative side due to personal experiences *

I'm American. Don't tell me that's politically incorrect because I have a good explanation why I'm an American. If I was to say that I'm a "United States-ian" or however the argument may be, it the same as saying...you're a Chian,Engish,Ish...it's not the full name of my country. But I live in Chile and love it. Mostly because Political Incorrectness is the blunt of a joke and everyone just laughs.UNLESS there is a serious issue. Which coincidentally they are going through a similar situation as the U.S. So here starts the Preaching:

As a foreigner to the country I don't disrespect the people, I don't take advantage of their economy, I assimilate. I'm talking in a big picture view. I listen to politics but seeing that I am on a Visa  and am only a spectator, I don't speak my mind.I don't have that right and I'm ok with this.

Why am I bringing all this up? My views on the Illegal Immigrant issue.  My mother is an AMERICAN. When I was 9 years old she received her citizenship. My Aunt and Mother studied and prepared themselves for the Citizenship Exam. Both passed. My mother's process didn't start there,to even enter the country as a visitor she had to apply for a Visa. This task in the 80's was  very hard to achieve amongst the U.S and Chile. She fought her way through the paperwork, literally, standing in the Consoler's office until she was granted her Visa.  No, my mother didn't go to the U.S to leave a horrid lifestyle behind. She was just visiting, and on her third trip, met my father, RESIGNED from the Chilean Airforce, and got married. The more I think about it her life actually may have been better in a sense if she had stayed here (Chile). Why?hmmm...I can't put this simply but it's the basis to my argument. So stick with me.

I don't support the rights of Illegal Immigrants. Neither does my mother.And SURPRISE, we're not part of some redneck agenda to " get our jobs back." I do sympathize and don't agree fully with everything going on. I don't feel children should be denied a higher education just because their parents brought them to the U.S illegally, nor do I think a Dean of a major university, a man who has obviously overcome adversity, should resign from his position because he's illegal. That may sound elitist but I don't feel like explaining that argument ..either this blog would be longer than what it already will be. What I do agree with? Something is actually starting to be done. The unfortunate part? It's too late, thus the drastic measures.

My reasons and what angers me about this situation:

1)I've heard with my own ears the disrespect. I'm not saying everyone should be patriotic because I'm not one to wave around the flag and yell HEW HAW! Praise the U.S.A ,  but I'm sorry....If you're sitting there talking about how stupid the country you're stealing money from is because they haven't done anything about it....then ethically why be here? Of course ethics aren't involved. Or better yet...when they finally start trying to fix it...why have the audacity to complain? Didn't you just admit the government was stupid for letting this happen?

2)A majority of illegal immigrants don't want to be educated about our "culture" ( I know it can be debated that we don't have a culture...because really we don't...but we have a way of living). Every other country in this world sticks to what they are.I don't expect my licence to have the same purpose here. I don't criticize their way of living. I point out the differences, but you don't see me running to make my surroundings American-like. I'm learning spanish, my professor learned spanish. I don't walk into a room an expect there to be someone to translate for me. My mother took her DMV test in ENGLISH. She took her nationality test in ENGLISH. I'm not being egotistic. I'm living in a Spanish country...so what am I learning? SPANISH. Period.

3)What about the rights of legal immigrants that are violated every day? Do you hear about them ? Are people defending them? My mother's fallen victim to it. She's been "asked to leave" a job due to her accent. She was the top employee, yet she was made to sign a letter stating that she was" leaving to pursue other employment opportunities within the system". Which I will never fully agree with yet I understand my mother's fear of being blacklisted. Where are the people fighting for her? And it's not just Hispanics. ALL ETHNIC CITIZENS who pay taxes and suffer to make a living are being denied jobs and assistance due to their accent or other forms of descrimination. Where are these activists to defend them? Nowhere.All because they're a citizen, not a poor illegal immigrant that "doesn't know any better" ( Which if you ask me is a statement highly offensive within itself.)

Which brings me to 4. This isn't all about jobs, it's about the economy in general.My parents are struggling.As I know many are. Trying to find 2-3 jobs just so they can get their medication. For those of you who don't know, both of my parents are diabetic. This is the biggest reason where I say that in a way, my mother's life could have possibly been better if she had never moved to the U.S. It's bad.  They have different types of Diabetes and both are being hit hard by it, especially my mother. But there are times we can't afford insulin or a needed surgery. My mother puts 4 doses per day of insulin, high dosages at that, yet there are times she can't afford it. This has become a common problem in households with this downward spiraling economy, but I have seen my mother suffer through this my entire life. Perhaps this being the main reason I can't bring myself to support the Illegal Immigrant Rights Movement.

She fights. She fights to keep a job. She fights to find a job. She fights to make money for life necessities, yet since she is a citizen, and not illegal, she gets no help. There is no one fighting at her side. There are so many people pointing fingers and saying that our government is being unfair toward illegal immigrants. But what about your fellow citizen? There's an entire Middle Class that suffers because they make "too much" money to be helped yet barely enough to survive. Immigrants are part of this class as well but because they've gone by the laws and rules of the government,  they have to suffer more. They must deal with adversity AND a crumbling economy. It angers me that people would rather help those who are in the U.S illegally before they help their own brother.

I find it funny. Most of the time these are the same people preaching that the U.S needs to start fixing things on its own soil before trying to fix the world. ( Which I agree with) But practice what you preach. Start from the inside and go from there. Not focus on the outer layers and completely  disregard, or worse be biased toward, the inner core.

That is my partial argument. There are concepts within the argument that could also be explained in further detail but I don't feel like being lynched with too big of stones.

..And I'm feeeeling good"

*Imagine Dramatic Brass Section Intro Here*

After a not-so-good night's rest I'm ready for the day. A day of shopping for a jury/recital/Jaime's graduation dress ( which could turn horribly wrong since   a size large/Medium doesn't exactly fit over these boobs....but thats a rant for another day) My Tia Maritza's bday present and my little cousin Daniel's bday present. So many of us in December!The best part about this? I get to head downtown for the day. I'm already on a sorta late starte, it's 9:59 and Felipe's in the shower, not I. But eh, I'll eventually be ready. Maybe I'll take this time to add music to the MP3 player...getting tired of some songs.

Hope all have a good day ( if anyone reads this).

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Habits Die Hard When You've Got A Sentimental Heart

Warning: This is what I call a Xanga Entry. A release.

It's hard to put things out there. Every time I put some depressing status, minutes later, or the next day I delete it. I feel stupid for ever showing that "weakness." The emotional side of me. I beat myself over how stupid I must look to others who read it. This blog is about taking that step to growing up, correct? So here's another piece of my heart:

There are girls out there that get that attention. They will always have at least one guy swooning over them no matter what, a shoulder for them to always cry on. But what about the girls who will never have that guy. The ones who have to deal with heartache and embarrassment alone. Every time.

Nothing truly big has happened in my life concerning the boy factor, which may be the basis of why there are lumps growing in my throat as I type. I turn 24 on Sunday. Christmas soon after. I'll get those dreaded questions " Do you have a boyfriend yet? Who's heart are you breaking? Of course you have some boys to tell us about " Actually..sorry...but it's the same answer as every year since I've hit puberty and you've decided I'd obviously have guys chasing me...NO. In fact...I'm the chaser. I'm the one being heart broken constantly,and it's getting tiring. 

I take my risks, that leap, I just always land flat on my face. It can be as simple as attempting a conversation with someone....I'm just someone no one's interested in. I guess you could say "One Day" I'll get my chance, but what do you do when you've been hearing that for over 10 years and nothing has changed? Think about it, ten years. A decade. A decade waiting for a guy to ask me out on a date, or even hold my hand. 

In Kate Nash's Nicest Thing she says " I wish you'd hold my hand when I was upset."Thats all people want in life, that support. That someone who's little bit more special of a friend to tell you not to worry. Then again this is the only thing that ever upset me now. So that would be pointless, right? Instead I turn to no one now.  I used to run to friends when I felt this way. I'd whine about how lonely I am ...blah blah blah...blabber blabber...but what scares me now is that when I have the urge, I think, "Why? Why would they care?" And it's not their fault, I just don't see the point of screaming "woe is me" every 3 months. What good is that to either party? It's become routine. 

Perhaps it's partially due to me being emotionless. I thought of this today while on the bus. What happens to the emotionless people of this world. I'm not saying I don't have emotion, obviously I do, but I rarely show it. If you know me, If you're a friend or an acquaintance, think about it.With the exception of  the last semester I was at VCU, have you ever seen me cry? I've cried at 2 funerals in my life, my cousin's and my Grandfathers. The others...I ran to a place I could be alone and just burst. I think I've only cried twice in front of Krystle. I've cried perhaps on the phone once. And she's my best friend. When I say cry, I don't mean the kind that happens when watching a movie, or I'm in a room full of brothers crying. I'm talking about deep down hurt. I don't let people see it. 

If I don't show that raw natural hurt, what else don't I show? I always thought that maybe I just thought too much about my actions. Should I say hi to him? I should I write on his wall ( face it...we're living in a facbook state of mind)? Should I look at him? All silly elementary things to most, but to me, a big deal. I always figured it was my anxiety, my fear that I'll look stupid, but why? Thats when the thought process on the bus clicked, I'm afraid to show my emotions. My mother has always argued with me about the fact I don't show my feelings. I don't understand the need to throw around sentimental words to let people know how much they mean to me. If I'm like that with family members, if I cant open myself up to them, who else don't I let myself open up to.

I know this is sounding more of Lifetime Movie Special, but I'm not talking about taking risks. To be honest I have no clue what I'm talking about. I just know it's not the risk taking aspect seeing that I do take them. Despite being terrified of saying hello, I still do it. The part that hurts, there's never a response. Don't take that literally. I don't keep writing a guy if he never says hi...I'm not THAT stupid. It's just aggravating. When I was little I saw myself in a different place than where I am now. Even when I was 15, I figured I'd be somewhere else. 

I wasn't suppose to be single at 24. It would be different if I had an ex, or had been on some failed dates I guess. But I'm still the same bench warmer( well...maybe more of up to bat now) that I've always been. To make it worse? I've even failed while in a different country. COME'ON! Am I just a global failure in the guy department? I'm going to just say yes. Close my laptop. Go to sleep. and in 17 days will be in the U.S.Only to continue this lack of admiration for 2 1/2 months til I'm back in Chile. And the cycle will start over. The End. 

What can you do with a sentimental heart?


But there's alway hope.