Back to TRL and Golf practice

Do you ever feel a song and immediately remember how you once felt when it was popular?

At the moment...during my moment of angsty depression...because I like to whine  and have my temper tantrum at times while alone in my room..

I began to listen to the Goo Goo Dolls...and since youtube has now advanced ever so much...it continued with thier stylistic whining to 3 Doors Down...

and dear lord...

I was 16 all over.

I am 16 all over.

I dont know whether to cry or just let the music engulf me.

I remember coming home to an empty house....before preparing dinner for melanie... or cleaning the house so mamma wouldnt be angry when she got home at midnight....or washing the laundry so daddy wouldnt have to when he got home at 3 am.....I made my microwave popcorn and watched music videos.

Before youtube, there was MTV ,VH1,and MuchMusic/FUSE.


I remember who i was crushing over....Will Hendricks, Billy Carver, Will Clark ( I must've had a thing for guys named william)...and of course...John Mayer...I was 16...I was able to fantasize, right?

I remember staying after school for Softball Practice, Marching Band, OM, or heading to the gold course in my 1995 Honda Civic ( May you rest in pieces my dear dear car)

And on a day like this, as I listen to 3 doors down...I remember the storms rolling in.

Since I've been in Chile I've experienced maybe one or two storms...but mostly during the winter...

not like this, during spring.

I remember sitting outside of EHS and seeing those black clouds coming, and this sudden fear swallowing me whole ( I'm terrified of tornadoes) and not sure if I wanted to head home or sit there and watch it happen.

I remember driving down the one main road in Tappahannock and having this mini panic attack thinking perhaps I should head home.

But I have a confession. I may deep down be a thrill seeker...because when I was on 360 or rt.17....I loved being caught in a storm. I loved that rush, the need to focus and the striking fear piercing my heart as it started to rain and I began to not see the road. I loved being able to put myself in focus mode , cranking my radio, and just driving. Hearing that thunder and seeing that lightning. As if it was all some odd video game I had to win.

I don't know.

As I slowly get back to who I was before Valentin.....I feel the need to write.

I feel as if i don't let these thoughts out, I may go crazy...I was going crazy.

So I'm not sure if it's such a  great idea remembering everything. Remembering those 13 year old sensations.

But maybe it's what I need to do right now.